In which: an old house is in shambles. Soldier on.

Once upon a time, I came home and discovered the doorway between the kitchen draped with plastic sheeting and a project light burnin':

Evidently, my husband ... Oh, did I neglect to mention why I have been absent for nigh on a year? Turns out, weddings (even the smallest, most intimate affairs) are tedious, cumbersome and demanding of all the spare times. We were left with nothing left to give to our dear neglected house, ipso facto, this blarg has been neglected. Is there some government agency to ensure proper care be given to all blogs? Alas, there is not. Anyway, my husband started doin' stuff! Progress!

Dining room demo! Thankfully, we have literally never used this room as intended; therefore, our routine has been minimally inconvenienced by this process. The cats, on the other hand .. NOT INTO IT. They spend the majority of the day in their respective corners, soaking up whatever heat they can find. Nights, though ... This is when all the magic happens. Our cats transform, magically, from the floppiest, almost-lifelike creatures we know and like okay... into a mother f*cking herd of elephants. On that note, is it too late to to officially suggest that the barrier be made permanent?

As you can see, there is a small section that doesn't quiiiiiiiite match up with the rest of the lath in the wall. In my expert opinion (expert is currently defined as 'woman who has done exactly 0% of this demo as of the publishing of this blog post, but has looked at the project long enough to take a few pictures and study them later in order to draw a conclusion.') this was intended to be either a secret passageway to Narnia that was never completed due to geographic complications and current passport requirements ... OR (and this one is less-probable if you ask me .. which you did) it is another doorway to access to the master closet, located on the other side of the wall. Smart money is on Narnia, though. BRIDGE TO NOWHERE! No? Whatever.

 The alcove pictured above is going to be enclosed - hopefully by New Year or so (typed with a meaningful look shot in the direction of my husband) - to create a powder room. You may or may not (probably don't) recall my post detailing the bathroom that was in that space before -- the one with the fan that vented into the dining room. IT VENTED INTO THE DINING ROOM YOU GUYS! THE DINING ROOM! In the immortal words of Mike Holmes: "Unacceptable"

 Would you look at that? Another secret entrance. This is clearly a window. I am not some idiot who believes that Hogwarts is real or that this window could be for owls delivering wizard mail ... That said, I don't think we should close it in ... for an unrelated reason that I don't really feel like typing out... anyway...
 Under the stairs. Because this joint wasn't creepy enough - let's open this shit up and leave a pitch black hole to sufficiently terrify the lady of the house!
Ugh. You guys .. we LIVE HERE ...

Thankfully, progress has been made elsewhere! The living room!
 This is the vintage mantelpiece that we (haha - not "we" in the sense that "I had something to do with it's acquisition"; it's "we" in the "it's community property now" way!) purchased five years ago at a now-defunct antique market. It was an eclectic assortment of goods, but most notably, it's ample statue collection. With 10 - 12' cast iron eagles flanking our walkway, who would miss us? It seems we've missed our chance. Alas...
 D assembled the mantel so that it would wrap the stone now that it has been stripped of it's fugly paintjob.

"Do you want to help?" - D
"No .. this is for the blog!" - me 
I swear I'm a good wife, you guys .. I just can't remember what I was doing that day that kept me from contributing to this project.

 Here is the mantel, assembled and attached to the wall! Photographed with my shitty phone camera because my (equally-shitty) digital camera died a long time ago and I haven't bothered to replace it yet. CHRISTMAS IS COMING! (Not for me though... I'm Jewish)
 However, this fireplace is DEFINITELY fit for Santa.  At least, it will be....when it's done.
 Sorry about the other photos! The door was catching the sun from the window and it wasn't metering light properly. PROBABLY BECAUSE I TOOK IT WITH A PHONE.

This photo details how to enhance the mood of the living room, simply by changing the color of the floor! For instance: Any color applied to the original, 120 year old fir flooring will result in a bad mood. Why? BECAUSE YOU PUT PAINT ON THE DAMN FLOOR! The paint has largely been stripped in the picture above, but you can see the point.

Don't paint your floors. It's bad for you, and it's bad for me. If not for me, do it for the children... of the future...who will be forced to spend countless hours crouched in a corner, wearing a respirator that costs as much as my car payment as they melt away your poor life choices with a heat gun from Harbor Freight.

 As you can see .. progress is being made. The mantel is attached and primed. The floors are being stripped of paint.

In case you were worried that we had suddenly changed our minds about the original plaster vs. drywall argument: This amendment is only being made to the walls between the kitchen/master closet. The dining room is going to yield some of it's ample square footage in favor of a bigger kitchen and master closet.  This is a good thing.

Oh, and that little nugget about the wedding? It was incredible :

 "You're going to finish the house now, right?"

We're one good-lookin' couple.  I am not even going to feign modesty.

.......Hogwarts is real.


  1. Lots of progress. I love your descriptions and the pictures reveal the rest.

  2. You sure are one good-looking couple. No need to feign modesty. =) And holy crap! What an undertaking! (The house, I mean.)

  3. I can't stop lolling. So much work, and you make it all so hilarious. (WTF DARK HOLE UNDER THE STAIRS)


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